My Magical First Year of My 30s
Listen to the audio or read through — whichever way you like to learn best!
January 14, 2022 Over the past year, I’ve been busy. Busy painting colorful murals, launching fun products, and coaching badass creatives. And that’s just with work! Behind the scenes, I went through a major personal transformation.
It involved me letting go of (perceived) control, figuring my shit out, and recovering from perfectionism. While I know healing has no end destination, this is my journey from people-pleasing and questioning my value to finally coming into my own.
The first 29 years
For the first 29 years of my life, I spent a lot of time reacting. There were many times I would speak up – including where it didn’t make sense or help me or the person involved – because I was passionate and the situation made me feel emotionally charged.
Then… Saturn returned home in my chart.
My Saturn Return experience
If you’re unfamiliar with Saturn Return, it’s an astrology term to describe the period of time between the ages of 27-30 that brings massive changes to your life.
This happens because the planet comes “home” to the exact place it was in the sky when you were born. Your Saturn Return has a reputation for shifting your priorities and redefining (or solidifying) your values.
Ready for a cool synchronicity? I started working with Rita Tojal – a creative psychologist who infuses astrology and other magical tools into her practice – the day Saturn returned to its original placement in my chart. How fucking aligned is that?!
My Saturn Return has been full of insights, revelations, and emotions. Have you explored when that is/was for you?
Around the same time, my friend Sarah Wren Carlton helped me look at my life through the lens of another magical tool called Human Design (I’m a 4/6 profile). The 6 line is all about the three stages of life: 0-30 years old is a time for experimenting, 30-50 is for reflecting, and 50 on is for balancing wisdom with experience.
Now that my 31st birthday just past on January 8th (yay!), I can fully see how I’m stepping into this new stage.
4 lessons I learned (that can help you too)
People talk a lot about how your 30s are the best years of your life. Why? Because you finally don’t give a shit what anyone thinks and begin to accept what you cannot control.
I’m no longer interested in involving myself with matters that don’t concern me. I’m also slowly learning that I have the power to choose my emotions and decide how I want to respond. This makes me more intentional with everything I do and say, which keeps my actions aligned with my values.
Want to hear about a few other nuggets of wisdom I learned? I have four that particularly rocked my world.
1. Boundaries are badass
If you’re like me, setting boundaries is a challenge. I people-pleased my way through my first 29 years and fully intended to continue down that path until I realized something.
I’m irreplaceable.
Not every client, friend, or partner I encounter will be a good fit but that doesn’t mean I’m unworthy. This revelation helped me figure out who my people are (in business and in life). Once I stopped trying to do and be everything for everyone else, I learned what I want out of friendships, relationships, and partnerships. Now, I’m focused on what works for me.
People pleasing won’t make you happy. Setting boundaries around your time, energy, and work will!
2. Starting over requires acceptance and persistence
Many of my clients come to me in the beginning stages of business, fearful to invest and unsure of the journey ahead. While I’ve run a successful design studio since 2017, when I became a mindset and pricing coach, I essentially started over.
Rather than accept that good things take time and feel confident that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, I balked at the patience required to birth a new business.
This left me floundering, frustrated, and ready to fucking quit. The experience put me in my clients’ shoes and I realized I had to do what I always ask them to do: invest in myself.
Remember: investment doesn’t ONLY refer to money. It can also mean your time, energy, or resources. In my case, I needed to invest the time and energy required to create something truly impactful.
And Saturn? It plays a huge role in this lesson. It taught me not to be frustrated with the process because I can trust that the fruits of my labor will pay off in time.
3. Failure helps you realign with your values
The lessons so far have been pretty positive, so I think it’s time for a dose of reality: I had a lot of low moments this year, there are goals I didn’t reach, and many times when I felt powerless and out of alignment.
I failed.
However, what these failures taught me is far more valuable than the money I projected I’d earn. While I can set an intention to achieve certain milestones, I can’t control the outcome.
Want to hear what helped me move through this uncomfortable revelation? Astrology. Capricorn is abundant in my chart and Saturn is its ruling planet. The more I discovered about myself through my birth chart, the more I understood what worked best for me.
Failures are just learning lessons in disguise, or if you want to phrase it like this oracle says: “Obstacles are detours in the right direction.”
Most good things in life take dedication and commitment. You may feel impatient and frustrated during the process, but like Saturn, when the planet comes “home” and things finally fall into place, you come home to yourself.
Plus, by trying, failing, and trying again, you find out who you are, what you value, and the magic you bring to this world.
4. Choose flexibility over perfection
After my experience with failure this year, I try to approach everything from a lens of acceptance. Here’s what that looks like:
Instead of reminding myself of the goals I didn’t reach and making that mean something about my worth, I can acknowledge what happened and find a way to move forward. And rather than get frustrated when things go sideways, I understand that while I can’t control the outcome, I can control how I respond to it.
At the end of the day, I learned to leave room for flexibility. We deserve to feel relaxed and confident in ourselves no matter what chaos is happening around us. This more neutral perspective is helping me a lot as I heal my own perfectionism.
I believe the best way to heal perfectionism is through play and letting go of expectations. It allows us the space to find more freedom — with our words, our actions, and our thoughts — as we loosen the reins of control.
What’s next for me (and why that matters to you)
Studying astrology, human design, and the enneagram, and pulling tarot and oracle cards is me stepping into a more magical version of myself. I want honesty, depth, and vulnerability from my experiences and relationships (both personal and professional). Plus, I’m done feeling pressured by society to say, do, or be what other people expect me to be.
Freedom, magic, love, and play are the 4 guiding principles in my life and this coaching business.
I will continue to experiment for the rest of my life. But during this next stage, I’m focused on reflecting, coming home to myself, and prioritizing flexibility over perfection.
You have one life to live. Don’t spend it pressuring yourself to be perfect.
Pssst… my journey still isn’t over! Follow along on Instagram @thecolorfuljess to see what magic lies ahead.
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