Perfectionism and How to Heal It
December 16, 2020How many hours did you spend tweaking the kerning on your last project? When was the last time you skipped lunch to prepare for a call with a new design client? How many times did you rewrite the last email you sent to your client?
Perfectionism and being a designer go hand-in-hand.
The need for just the right font pairings. How necessary it is for the branding to be an exact representation of your client’s vision. The obligation you feel for the mural to look perfect, just as it appeared on paper.
You may know perfectionism as the obsession with everything having to be “just so” or flawless. The other, more crucial part of the definition? Not accepting that things can (and will) go wrong.
When you identify as a perfectionist, you seek to be perfect and then feel guilty when you inevitably aren’t. It’s the thought that you’re able to control the outcome when life isn’t meant to be controlled. This leads to a critical view of yourself.
This vicious cycle is limiting in so many ways.
How does perfectionism hold you back?
Perfectionism holds you back from doing what you want, finding your freedom, and being who you truly are. It forces you to:
Believe that if it won’t be done perfectly, it’s not worth doing;
Second guess yourself;
Think you’re not good enough.
How exhausting.
Perfectionism is an addiction to an ideal that doesn’t truly exist. It brings on the cycle of guilt, which limits your self-expression. Plus, it’s a pattern we were taught in childhood about how we are only worthy because of what we do, not who we are.
As a society, we’ve normalized perfectionism. But what if I told you it’s possible to find freedom from your perfectionism? Well, it is possible. And I want to share with you how you can heal from it because it’s limiting you from making your own unique impact on the world.
Healing your perfectionism
Healing your perfectionism requires you to release the need to control and start to allow things to unfold. Since perfectionism is something we learned in childhood, healing from it is a lifelong journey. It takes time and commitment (and a dash of compassion helps too).
While I’m still in the process of healing my perfectionism, I want to talk about 3 lessons I’ve learned over the years that helped me on my journey that could help you on your own.
Learn to let go
Whether it’s a blog, a course, a design project, or an Instagram post, challenge yourself to release something that’s not perfect. Scary? Yes. But it helps you realize that people won’t write you off for being human.
They already know you’re going to fuck up sometimes. You just haven’t accepted that yet.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned: There’s no such thing as being perfect. There will always be things outside of your control – like how people respond – and being flawed is allowed. In fact, it’s what makes you who you are. We are all imperfectly perfect as human beings.
Believe in yourself
As I mentioned earlier, perfectionism is closely tied with a negative view of yourself. Little by little, situations in your life cause you to develop this core belief that you’re not good enough. You start looking for external validation.
It’s not what you do that makes you good enough; you’re enough simply because you’re you. You have to believe that. If you don’t, you may be unable to set boundaries, feel guilty when you aren’t being productive, and have a deep-seated fear of not being perfect.
My own addiction to perfectionism stems from my codependency. Personally, I think most of our society is codependent. A lot of us look outside ourselves for our self-esteem (among other things) because of the ways in which we were raised. This isn’t good and can lead to unhealthy habits like perfectionism.
If you're ready to dive into this, I recommend reading “Facing Codependence” by Pia Mellody. Need a few resources to get going? I’d start here and here.
Remember when you were a kid and you were told to dress a certain way because you were “representing this family?” Or that you “need to get straight A’s or else?”
Take a deep breath and understand that perfectionism is learned behavior. After being valued by what you do and not who you are for so long, you develop the need for external validation and slowly begin to lose trust in yourself. But you don’t have to hold onto this identity forever. You can unlearn it.
Give yourself permission to be human
To be human is to be imperfectly perfect. Once you can wrap your head around that, it’s easier to accept and love yourself no matter what. Once you give yourself permission to mess up and still feel accepted, you give yourself permission to be human.
MANTRA:
I have enough.
I am enough.
I do enough.
Let your need for control and perfection go. Trust yourself.
You are worthy just as you are. You don’t need to do anything to gain acceptance, love, and validation. You can just be you.
If you’re a designer who feels like perfectionism is holding you back in your life and business, book a discovery call with me. It’s time to change that, if you’re ready.
