How to Feel Confident Saying No to a Client
Listen to the audio or read through — whichever way you like to learn best!
November 26, 2021 As a recovering people-pleaser myself, it feels good to share a blog with you about how to stand up for yourself without compromising your values.
I’ll be the first to admit it can feel hard or uncomfortable to say no, but when you set a boundary, you are protecting your time and energy.
When you’re used to compromising
Guilt around setting boundaries stems from repeating negative patterns in your childhood. If you want to figure out when you first realized it wasn't safe to advocate for your needs, ask yourself these questions (and seek support from a therapist or trauma-informed coach to dive deeper):
Where or with whom were you not allowed to set boundaries?
What happened if you said no to someone?
Who made you feel guilty for saying no?
What boundaries did you feel guilty setting?
What did it feel like when your boundaries were not respected?
If you feel guilty about saying no, that’s a form of people-pleasing.
People-pleasing is about putting your worth in the hands of others. The same thing happens when you seek external validation. It’s a conditional view of love.
Behind the guilt is a deep-rooted fear of being abandoned, unlovable, or not accepted. Instead of saying no, you say yes – to avoid causing the people you work with, your friends, and your intimate partners any discomfort.
But you’re causing yourself more distress by saying yes to everyone and everything. It’s time you get out of your own way and advocate for yourself. The more you say no – to the wrong clients, the wrong projects, the wrong business or life endeavors – the more you can say yes to the right things.
How to set professional boundaries
There’s already an in-depth blog on this topic, but I still want to go over how to set boundaries with a client while staying in integrity with your own values.
You may have a lot of anxiety and fear at the thought of saying no when you’re used to saying yes all the time. You probably go over scenarios like, “If I say no now, the client will be unhappy with me” or “This client will walk away if I don’t say yes.”
I want to challenge that line of thinking. Why would you say yes if you believe it should be a no? Also, why does it matter if they walk away? Don’t take it personally. Plenty of opportunities lie beyond a single rejection.
My favorite piece of advice for setting clear boundaries (so you can say no) is using a contract for every single project. I recommend you put as much shit in there so everyone is on the same page. For example, if you only want (or have the capacity) to have one meeting a month with a client and they try to schedule one every week, you now have something in writing to refer back to that allows you to say no (without guilt!).
When you say yes to client demands outside of scope or projects that are wrong for you, it’s common to start to feel resentful. Why TF would you want to feel like that in your business? And if you feel like that right now… something has to change.
How saying yes when you mean no affects you and your business
Let’s think about your clients for a moment. How does it affect them when you say yes when you mean no? I’ll tell you.
You don’t show up fully.
You won’t want to work with that client again because you’ll feel unable to say no. In reality, their intention wasn’t negative, they just wanted to see if they could push the boundaries and… you set a precedent that they can.
Rather than resort back to your people-pleasing tendencies by showing up as a “friend,” show up as a professional first. That way, if you ease up on the boundaries later – like giving them additional revisions or edits – it feels like a nice *extra* thing you did rather than an expectation.
Your business is your business. You get to do it your way. My advice though? Stop trying to make your clients' lives better while you make yourself miserable.
You deserve a life and business full of freedom with time for self-care, quality relationships, and fun hobbies. In honor of that, I’d love for you to share a time you said no without guilt and tag me @thecolorfuljess on Instagram!
If you’re shy, you can email me instead! I’d love to hear about your experience where you showed up for yourself.
Sharing to Pinterest? Here’s a few images:
